Regret

A lot of my life and thoughts have been lost to the “I should have…”  I lose sleep at night thinking over ways that I should have lived my life.  If I had only been adamant about sleeping at regular hours my freshman year.  Then I would have gotten much better grades, because I would have stayed awake in class.  If I had taken the risk to put myself out there for the swim team in high school, I’d feel a lot more confident about my athletic skills.  If I had spent more time hanging out with the Accommo team last summer, we would have been a more cohesive team and they would have left the summer having fully worked out all the issues that came up.

Right.  Then they get more ridiculous, including thinking, I should have moved home after college, or worked up at camp for the year.  Life would have been easy.

In many ways, I am indirectly telling God I don’t like the way things panned out.  I don’t agree with the way You taught me a lesson.  I’m ungrateful for the hard circumstances / situations that You have used to grow me.  Clearly, Lord, I know best what would have been (and what will be) good for me.  I give you a B- for how You’ve lead me.

Who am I to disagree with God?  Who am I to think I know better than the Lord?

Proverbs 18:2 “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing [her] own opinions.”

Father, forgive me for my foolish thoughts.  Forgive me for my arrogance in thinking my ways are better than Yours, or that I know myself better than You do.

~ by Liz on June 29, 2009.