From One End of My Life to Another
A few days ago I was walking from my biology class to my locker to get my lunch, and I was right behind a girl I have known since junior high. I didn’t even recognize her because everything about her was so fake. Dyed, streaky hair; an orange-y tan; fake nails; a ton of make-up; the list goes on and on. All I could think about was that she used to be so pretty. I just don’t understand the motivation to become what you aren’t. I’m just immersed in this attitude of “the façade” at school. Maybe that’s one of the reasons that I’m so ready to leave. The mindset of some of these kids, I just don’t understand. I’m really blessed to have a group of friends who are down-to-earth; with them, there really isn’t another person hiding behind a façade. They are who they are and they don’t pretend to be what they aren’t. That’s why I appreciate them.I held a baby today for a minute or so when I went to the baby side of the nursery school this morning to look for glitter. The delicate nature of that baby, the fragility of his body, the life I could see in his eyes, was amazing. That made my day. God is amazing.
On the other hand, I had to return to the toddler side to do Sunday School with —. 10 kids showed up this morning, and a couple were having “bad days-” i.e. cutting in line, shoving other kids, screaming, etc. It was the longest hour and a half I’ve had in a long while.
I went to —–’s yesterday to celebrate her 18th birthday. We became restless at about 8, so what always happens when we want something to do? We do “landscaping with various paper products.” We got 3 people last night. I get so antsy and nervous, I really don’t like going, because someone has to clean it up. And it’s wasteful to essentially throw away toilet paper like that. It’s fun for them, I guess, the whole adrenaline rush and all, but I think it’s pointless. It’s pretty immature as well. I think if I go again, it will be with church friends, and we’ll call the person’s parents ahead of time and tell them to make their kid clean it up the next morning. And then I’d leave signs or something so it wouldn’t be massive amounts of wet toilet paper. We’re thinking about putting posters all over our math teacher’s lawn that say random things from the class… we’re also playing an April Fool’s joke on her… mwa ha ha ha.
Speaking of my Calculus class… I love it! It’s about 20 students, and it’s just cool. We’re all friends, we have inside jokes (most of them are math jokes, but come on, what do you expect?), we even built a fort in the corner of the classroom for the Calculus club (which I am the Secretary of T-Shirts; we had to form a club and elect officers to be able to go on the Great America Math and Physics trip). Love it. I’m embracing the nerd inside me.
College… I’m waiting to hear from Berkeley; I know I’m not going to Davis because many Beyer kids go there. I want to meet new people, do new things… ah! It’s exciting. I’ve been applying for scholarships, so that’s been a hassle in some ways. Everything is falling into place, which is exciting and nerve-wracking because I want to make sure I am following God’s plan for my life. Everything that I’ve wanted to happen (like getting hired for staff this summer and getting into UCLA) has happened; I’m afraid that if I want something, it’s not God’s will for my life. Pray for guidance, because I don’t want to stray.
I’m almost finished with reading the entire Bible. It’s incredibly exciting; the more I read, the more I want to read, to study, to learn, to live it out. I know that being a Christian isn’t about the knowledge, it’s about the relationship; but the foundations I have found in the Word have made my relationship ever so much more precious to me.
San Francisco YWAM mission trip is in a few weeks.. I can’t wait. It was such an opportunity for me to witness to the homeless. If you’ve never worked with homeless people before, do it. My heart was changed last year, and I am eager for God to change me again. There’s something about having your eyes opened to the richness of God’s blessings that is unlike anything else. There aren’t many people going, which is disappointing. The youth group in general has become very self-absorbed; we always have a great turnout for the “fun” stuff, but as soon as we want to go deeper and follow His call, suddenly, there’s other things that take priority.
Rant #4: Youth Group
I’ve been frustrated with the youth group in general for most of the year. I guess it’s that I’m ready to move on, or maybe that most of my friends have stopped going. In some ways I feel abandoned, just that I’m still willing to give back to the youth group even though I’m not getting anything out of it. It’s been a difficult year; lately the whole “I’m going to college group because I can” thing has been bothering me. I’d rather be in college group, no question about it. I’d get more out of the discussions and be with my friends. But I feel like I owe it to the youth group not to leave it; I know that these kids need the older kids to look up to, to talk to, whatever. I can’t just leave it now when I only have a few months left to be part of the high school REALM body of Christ even if I really want to. I’m incredibly frustrated with this apathetic attitude towards youth group: “I don’t care. I’m not benefiting, so I’m going to find where I will benefit.” I know it’s hard to be there when there’s a thousand freshmen running around acting stupid, but youth group’s not about you, or what you get out of it. It’s how you support and build up His body and how you witness to the younger kids.
Currently Reading
The Sound and the Fury
By William Faulkner
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