Goals for Senior Year

Oh yeah, today is my one year anniversary of getting my driver’s license. How exciting.

My hair smells good.

“Here’s my heart, O, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.”
I think my priorities need to be looked at. I’m unsure what is important to me anymore, unsure of what should be important in the first place. I do so many things during the day that simply waste time and don’t glorify God because I’m either not serving others or doing what I do with a worshipful attitude. I want to glorify God in everything I do, and so, I must take things out of my day that don’t do anything. What is important to me, anymore?

Why do I do the things I do? What are my motivations for what I do? To serve? To glorify God? To glorify myself? To entertain myself? To fill my mind with garbage? To “get away from it all?” To self-satisfy?

I make these insane lists, so ridiculously long, and ridiculously detailed, and I usually get everything done, but I don’t know if I take more time writing these lists than it would take to accomplish half the things I write down. I think part of it is if I didn’t write it down, it would make me insane just having that thought circling around in my head.

I spent 6 hours working on Calculus problems for the summer homework yesterday. And my mom wondered why I was in a bad mood last night.

Sometimes I think that I just need control, regulation, in my life, and that’s why I’m so anal about getting things done in a certain way and in a certain manner, and how I’m going to do this before that and what not. Sooner or later, it’s going to collapse on me, and I’m going to get smacked upside the head again with another realization of how I can’t control anything, and how it’s God who can do anything.

I want to work in the medical field someday, but I wonder if it’s worth it to go through med school. All I want to do, eventually, is settle down, have a family, and not have to work full time and spend time with my family and taking care of the household. So is it worth it to go through 8 years of schooling and residency? The best thing I can hope for is what God wants for me, and I’m desperately seeking His guidance in all of this, because I need to make decisions about college soon. And I would like to use my medical experience to go abroad and do missions work, preferably in Africa, because then I can use both French and medicine. Ideally? Marry young and go with my husband on missions. But I can only keep dreaming on. God will do what is best. I’ve just got to trust and obey.

Goals for this next school year:
1. Continue with program to end biblical illiteracy.
2. Stop being so concerned with what others think of me.
3. Get rid of 4 bad habits (I’d rather not say).
4. Stop using bad grammar, esp. not writing/speaking in complete sentences.
5. Focus on what is really important.
6. Not get caught up in gossip and pettiness of schoolmates.
7. If necessary, find new friends for school.
8. Start some sort of physical activity.
9. Strengthen my friendships with church friends, family, and Calvin Crest friends.
10. Learn to love others unconditionally as the Father loves me.
11. Do things with reckless abandon, passionately.
12. Mentor one of the up-and-coming kids in the youth group.
13. Read all of my C.S. Lewis and philosophical stuff.
14. Graduate, and get the heck out of high school.

~ by Liz on August 28, 2003.