Praise the Lord – a Major Change

I’m growing out of things that I used to find comforting, reaching for the only thing I know is right. I’m no longer the person I was four years ago, four weeks ago even, so much has gone through my mind, so much thinking that I might just explode.

I’m content, but something in me is bittersweet, like the sorrow that comes, quietly, when the rain is falling on your windowpane, and all you can think about is the fact that you love the rain, but today was really a day when you needed sunshine.

I’ve grown out of old hopes, dreams, and places in my life that have once held meaning. Some dreams have been renewed and refreshed in my mind, some hopes are stronger still, and that’s how I am confident they are in God’s will for my life. And thank God for that guidance, for I do not know how I can live without Him.

It’s amazing when people who have so little are so grateful for what they do have, and everyday I take for granted even the simple things that make my life a little less realistic.

I want to learn to love unconditionally, to give my best for God. I want to seek out people who love Him more than I do, and learn from them; I want to “suck the marrow” out of life, I want to live abundantly, I want to wake up every new day excited to serve my loving Father. How good He is to not smite me every morning when I wake up, for often I don’t even take the time to think about anything but myself.

I’ve been thinking about this next school year a lot. I’m supposed to make fundamental decisions that will change the rest of my life. But all I really want, in the midst of crazy classes and friends, is to seek out what is eternally important- my Father. I want to store up my treasures where I know they won’t ever rot or go dusty.

I hope my friends will still accept me, because I am not the person they left thinking I was at the end of school. If they don’t, I pray God will lead me to a brother or sister in Christ who’s as desperate as I am to serve wholeheartedly, give everything, die daily.

I gasp for air
I just can’t breathe
I’m hiding in a corner of my mind
My heart cries out
I ache
I’m in pain
I need You more
than what this world can give me

~ by Liz on July 6, 2003.